If you really knew me...

If you really knew me...

You'd know that...

They say that, when you die, life flashes before your eyes.
For my sake.. I hope that doesn't happen to me...

I love gadgets. 

I love music.

I am pretty knowledgeable and inventive, a nerd (I'm an engineer, doh). 

I love games! (mmorpgs, fps, tps, action-adventure rpgs, survival horror, etc) 

I like to look for hidden patterns.

I have some kind of off beat sense of humor.

I smile through the hardest times. 

I often reinvented myself in the past, so now I'm a weird combo, but I like being weird.

I am unpredictable and bohemian, I prefer autonomy.

I do not mind serving others ans I do have trouble saying no, because I'm stupidly naive at times.

I do not enjoy fighting, unless I'm provoked.

I am a good listener and I like to comfort others.

I am not materialistic and I don't like people who are like that.

I am honest. Actually, brutally honest and quick-tempered, but I'm blunt because I want the truth back.

I sometimes say mean things intentionally.

I'm rude because I want to make people laugh. (But I'm not like that, I don't cry for attention, I hate it)

I am prone to verbal rants.

But...

I am a loner. I liek to limit social interaction because it's draining.

I always feel like an outsider. 

I do not like most people. (and I'm sure most people don't like me)

I am suspicious of others until they have proven themselves trustworthy. 

So, I like to test people's loyalty.

I get very attached to people once I consider them friends. I prefer weird friends, such as myself. 

I can't express my emotions easily.

I am very shy.

I often feel dejected and better off alone.

I used to seek wholeness through isolation, it never worked. 

I have low self-esteem issues.. 

I suffer of depression and I hardly sleep and eat sometimes.

I dislike my father.

I cry to sleep most of the time but so do a lot of people.
I dislike myself.

I would rather be alone than risk rejection...

I think people would not like me if they really knew me. 

I am afraid to show it when I like someone, ...I hate this

I think I have an aversion to physical contact.

I hate to talk about sex. 

I am always part of the bro-zone.

I am somewhat boyish.

I do not like to be bound by schedules, I'm as lazy as a slug at times and I always forget stupid scheduled appointments.

I'm a slacker!! I do the minimum to get by.

I prefer to do things whenever I think I'm ready.

I think I'm a bit reckless... ok maybe a bit more. 

My ego is a bit too large. I feel like I lose a sense of self when I agree with people hahaha. Nah, not really.

I am politically conservative and kind of old fashioned.

I would sacrifice my life for a good enough cause.

I would rather live in my head than the real world.

Partying is not my cup of cake. (I'd rather watch the stars...)
I think I can sing, but I'm too shy to sing properly in front of others.

People tell me that I'm childish and I really need to grow up. But I don't care!!
I hate that I feel gloomy and distraught frequently.
I'm emotionally numb most of the time. 

Maybe because I know the dark side of life very well... 

I think life is overrated. 

I lost my grandma in 2009. I miss her.
My name is Cat... And I wish it wasn't mine...

I used to cut. But I don't do it anymore.

I wanted to swallow a lot of pills once, but I stopped in time.

Well, that's it. I feel better now.